He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
