I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i will never coherently bang her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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