my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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