Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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