Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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