By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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