your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
