he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
dude. I can hear the air.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
