Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
