I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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