when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
