when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
