Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
