:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
