When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
