All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
