Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
