she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
