Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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