So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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