u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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