Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
