In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
