She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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