I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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