Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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