Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
