so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
NoShamevember. You game?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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