gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
