Who did Billy Mays play for?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
