I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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