ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
