i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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