in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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