Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
