she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
