Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
