You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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