Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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