Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
