Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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