don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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