You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
