I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
