Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
