Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
