Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
