She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
