I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
