mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
