dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
