So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
