I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
