Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
