Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
