im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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